I Can't Catch A Break

I think I have a bit of writers block. I'm sitting here away from the chaos that is 'life', and I can't seem to get a thing out of my mind and into this blog post. Maybe it's because I'm preoccupied with all the other crap my brain is sifting through at the moment. Who knows.

Every evening when I lay down for bed it's like some teeny persons living in my mind say, "All right, she's ready for bed. Now, lets flood her mind with millions of thoughts and see how long we can keep her up!" Those little bastards!

Do you watch Seinfeld? I feel like him in that episode where he wakes up in the middle of the night to write down a joke and come morning, he can't understand what he wrote. Except, I don't write the stuff down and I usually don't even recall it until the following evening when I'm ready to lay my head down again. Damn teeny people!

Anyway, would you like to hear my recent issues? Aside from striking veins, needle phobias, and the fainting feeling almost everytime I inject, I am now experiencing throat swelling (or something that feels like it).

FANTASTIC! Really! No, not really.

Here's the thing, it started about ehhh 6 weeks or so ago. At first I thought I was becoming lactose intolerant because it only occured when I ate ice cream. So I layed off the ice cream for a bit until one day I said "screw this" and I ordered a vanilla cone from McD's. Bad move. I had the throat tightness feeling for almost 3 hours after that.

Then it started happening with my Honey Nut Cheerios. So again I thought, must be the dairy. But I was wrong, I had a sandwich one day, dairy free to test my theory and sure enough, throat tightness.

Yesterday I mentioned this to my Doc and I described it like this:

"After I eat I immediately feel like my throat is closing up. Or, that my food is just sitting right there (imagine me pointing to my throat right above my collar bone) and I can't get it down. When I drink, I feel no relief. I also get chest pains that sometimes feel heavy or sharp."

She said, "sounds like you have blah blah." "What?", I said. She again say's, "sounds like you have blah blah." She has such a strong accent and talks so fast that I couldn't understand the 'disorder' and probably wouldn't be able to even if it was written clear as day.

Anyway, she's setting me up to have a swallow test. This will involve drinking some Barium that coats the esophagus (Sounds lovely, I've heard it taste like chalk. I don't know why anyone would taste chalk in order to offer up that comparison but whatever. ;)) and then having a few x-ray's.

Yay! More radiation exposure for Sarah!

We'll see how it all goes. I don't have it scheduled yet so I can't really say when I'll know if I just have esophagus spasms or something worse. (Please God don't let it be anything worse. PLEASE.....)

The rest of the appointment went fine. I requested blood work which is so crazy for me to do because I usually decline when Doc's try to draw blood just to 'check things out'. But I needed to check a few levels like B12 and Iron so I can be on top of my supplement game. :)

Tomorrow (Friday) I see the Nutritionist who has the best doctor name ever! Dr. Peper (pronounced Pepper). HA! I won't mention it to him/her though, I'm sure he/she is tired of hearing it. "Hey, your name is just like the soda!"

Ciao for now!

I Hit a Vein Today

It HURT!!!

Really bad.

It was in my left thigh, I fired and everything was fine. I waited my 10 seconds as the Copaxone slowly transfered from the syringe into my body and when I pulled the Autoject away, I almost passsed out.

BLOOD!

LOTS OF IT!

At the very moment I saw it I thought, "Ugh, that's not good". I cleaned it up and luckily it stopped bleeding pretty quickly. I sat on the side of the tub for a moment and took a look at my new word art, For My Life! "Yes, it is" I thought.

I cleaned up the 'scene', applied an ice pack, and went into the living room and sat next to the hubs. He asked, "What's wrong?" and I just shook my head, "Nothing". Clearly lying.

I knew the veins hurt like hell. Lesson learned. Mark the 'shot spot' before applying heat so I can actually see what I'm doing.

A Birthday and Whiplash

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!

Today is my favorite man's birthday, my husband. He is the big 25 today. Wink! Wink!

The dictionary has not published the right words to truly express my love for this man. He is supportive, caring, a great father, a hard worker, an entertainer, a lover, and all around charming.

He still blows me away with that beautiful smile of his. Well, not the one in the pic above. He didn't want me photographing that event, but I didn't listen. LOL! Maybe I'll share the rest of the photo's another time, panties and all.

Anyway, to MY Mr. Ellis, I love you now and forever. Happy Birthday!

On to the Whiplash, or something like it.

On Sunday we took advantage of our grown-up time (and the free for military promo) and went to Knotts Berry Farm.

Unbeknownst to us, we rode the bumpiest ride first, GhostRider! Sean said, "There aren't many wooden roller coasters left, we have to ride it!" I said, "That's because they're crap and they're just waiting to be torn down."

Turns out, we were both right.

The ride was fun if you take away the jolts, jerks and scrambled brain feeling. Half way through I remember thinking, "maybe this wasn't such a good idea." I use to be a pro at roller coaster riding, nothing phased me. Now, I can't ride anything too bumpy or it'll screw up my whole day.

After Ghostrider I immediately got a headache but I came prepared with Tylenol. I was determined to have a good day with the Hubs.

After the 'ride from hell' we rode the one in the background. I was a bit freaked about getting vertigo from all the spinning but that ride was the BEST!

I love riding roller coasters with my husband, all he does is laugh and laugh and laugh. And once it stops he always says, "I don't know why I do this to myself". LOL! He say's he doesn't like roller coasters but he's lying. :)

A Great Impression

(Click image to visit A Great Impression)

I have to send many thanks to Mary Zimmer over at A Great Impression. She helped my idea of inspirational word art on my bathroom mirror come to light.

I wanted something that would act as a daily reminder as to why I am fighting, injecting, dieting, and so on. I thought the words, "For My Life" were simple enough and to the point.

The lettering was super easy to apply and the hubs was more than happy to help. Thanks Babe!

It's worth it.

Taking Control

"What is it that sets apart people who recover from serious illness? In general they find the illness a challenge and an opportunity for personal growth. They tackle the illness actively, rather than being passive recipients of doctors’ treatments. They go to every source for information, are open-minded about unconventional therapies, try everything. They feel empowered by the discoveries they make to take control of their illnesses, and indeed, their lives."

I couldn't have said it any better. That quote was borrowed from Taking Control of Multiple Sclerosis, a very informative site that I discovered thanks to a fellow MS'er.

When I wrote this post I thought I was ready, but clearly, I wasn't. After the diagnosis was confirmed I seeped into a mini-depression of sorts (which is very hard to admit) and I'm sure was noticeable in some of my recent posts. I can't promise that this will never happen again because as I said before, I am human. However, I have risen out of the gloom and have become motivated to 'get on with it'.

Today was the start of the Swank Diet, and no, I'm not talking about Hilary. It's a diet designed for people with MS and simply put, it cuts back on a lot of the bad fats we intake. I'm still learning but I have the basics down and have successfully made it through Day One. Topping it off with a glass of Merlot in true Sarah Ellis fashion. ;) It's allowed. At least in my rule book it is.

So now I shall do what no woman should ever have to, and reveal my starting weight to all you beautiful blog readers. :)

I am 5'9'' (hoping this will make the weight sound better) and I weigh 163.6 today.

I will update my progress and weight every week. Last year I lost 30lbs. on my own with a diet that seems to follow some of the same rules as Swank. That was with zero exercise. I will be exercising with this diet and like the quote insinuates above, I am taking full control of this piece of shit disease.

Wednesday 11/18 - Appointment with my GP to get her up to speed, get blood tests to check some levels, and also to get a referral to a Physical Therapist.

Friday 11/20 - Appointment with a Nutritionist.

Near Future - Appointment with Physical Therapist.

A couple of people have questioned why I am going to see a physical therapist and for me, the answer is easy. Right now, I am (thank God) still physically able to do almost anything any healthy person can do. I could put off the physical healthiness for a while if I wanted to, but I don't. I say, why wait for something to go wrong and then try to fix it? Instead, fix your body now and get it to 100% Kick Ass strength so when some stupid lesion forms in the wrong place, you're able to fight back as hard and as long as you can.

The nutritionist is pretty obvious. I'm cutting a lot of essential vitamins out with my diet (and adding some too) and I want to be sure I'm balanced. I also want to make sure I am not overdoing one supplement or underdoing another. This way, I can talk with a specialist and have complete confidence that I am feeding my body all the necessary nutrients it needs each day.

Until next time...

I Don't Wanna

This morning was shot number 5. A full row of Copaxone completed. This morning was also the first morning where I stood there for a moment and thought, "I don't wanna do this".

Each time I start a new spot, today was my thigh, I hesitate a bit. But this time it was a little different. I thought about the pain that was sure to come after injecting. I thought about the needle (inconspicuously hidden by the Autoject) going in. It may be covered but I have an excellent imagination and can see it shoot through my skin.

Then I got dizzy and had to pause for a moment.

A reminder to myself was recited over and over in my head, "Sarah, you gotta do this. Sarah, you gotta do this." Dammit! So I stood up, took aim, and fired. POW!

Shot 5 completed.

An Investment in my Future

5 days (off and on), I've had a headache.

How do you beat the stress?

Please share.