I Don't Wanna

This morning was shot number 5. A full row of Copaxone completed. This morning was also the first morning where I stood there for a moment and thought, "I don't wanna do this".

Each time I start a new spot, today was my thigh, I hesitate a bit. But this time it was a little different. I thought about the pain that was sure to come after injecting. I thought about the needle (inconspicuously hidden by the Autoject) going in. It may be covered but I have an excellent imagination and can see it shoot through my skin.

Then I got dizzy and had to pause for a moment.

A reminder to myself was recited over and over in my head, "Sarah, you gotta do this. Sarah, you gotta do this." Dammit! So I stood up, took aim, and fired. POW!

Shot 5 completed.

An Investment in my Future

5 days (off and on), I've had a headache.

How do you beat the stress?

Please share.

One Shot, Two Shot, Three Shot, More...

"Bonnie the Nurse" called me Friday night and said that Saturday would work for her if it was ok with us. I said, "Yes" and she was set to arrive at 8:30 Saturday morning.

Wow, that happened fast, but I was ready to get it over with.

Come Saturday morning we were all ready to get things started. D was instructed to keep Bean busy with cartoons and toys back in their bedrooms. When she arrived we immediately dove into the instruction.

It seemed fairly easy but at times I found myself in sort of a daze. Not really listening nor caring about what she had to say. "Just give me the facts, let me get it done and move on", I thought. She was really very sweet and helpful and even allowed my crazy bloggin' ass to take a picture of her (above).

After showing me how to do it and practicing a few times, Sean did the same. He did a good job and was excited about possibly giving me a manual shot one day (should I be upset by this?). That'll never happen. We learned using the Autoject and also practiced the manual a couple of times just in case.

I administered my first shot with Bonnie and Sean watching. I did fine except for the pricking part. You're supposed to pull the Autoject straight off so the needle doesn't prick your skin. Sounds simple enough but it's easier said than done. It's hard to grasp what is 'straight up' when you're shooting into the back of your arm and can't get a good look.

Here's the effect from my first shot...

Note to self: Must tone arms.

I had some swelling which you can see in the middle of the redness. It went away in about an hour or two and the next day (Sunday) I was left with a small bruise. No biggie. It was sore that whole day but I could only really feel it if I touched it or rubbed it up against something. I went to the Hesperia Zoo shortly after receiving the shot so really, all was well.

My second shot was administered myself and was in my right arm this time. That one went much better, no pricking and no bruising afterward. Still the same redness and swelling as the first but it went away in a couple of hours too. See below.

I'm administering them in the morning. So far it's been between 8:30am and 9am which has been working for me. I'm able to get up and do my morning routine without the rush or worry of getting my injection done.

When injecting, I don't feel the needle at all. However, there is a major sting that happens once the medicine gets in. A bee sting (in my opinion) is an understatement. I've been stung by bee's before and they don't hurt that bad. But it is better in different areas.

This morning (Monday), I injected my hip for the first time (no pics for that one) and the sting wasn't nearly as bad and it didn't last as long. I still had redness but there was a lot less swelling and now, 50 minutes after the injection, it's barely noticeable. I've heard the arms are the worse and after injection 1 and 2, I kind of believe it.

It's still amazing to me that I'm able to do this. I don't think about it until the moment I have everything laid out on the counter and then I tell myself, "No biggie Sarah, you've already done 1 (or 2 or 3 and so on), you can do this".

And I do. I don't have a choice. For me, that's the best way to look at it.

Soccer Party at Hesperia Zoo, CA

Yea D! Another trophy :)

Soccer Coaches

Hmmm....these seem a little out of place here.

They wouldn't stop staring.

I think they just want food.

Rudolph is hiding out in the desert before the Holiday's.

Have you seen The Chronicles of Narnia? That's him. At least that's what the 'grounds keeper' says.

He's a BAD monkey. Psycho may be a better word.

Meds - Check! Insurance - Thank You!

I came home yesterday to see this sitting in my kitchen.

Looks like I'm getting an organ transplant.

I knew it was coming but still, I felt a little queazy when I saw it.

However, the little (warning) penguin on the top was quite cute.

The Copaxone has reserved a spot next to...


Sean's caramel syrup. I swear it's not mine. Really.

With this new addition in the fridge, we had no choice but to inform D (8 years old) of mommy's current health situation. I don't think any 8 year old should have to hear that their mommy is chronically ill and will need to give herself a shot everyday. So we sugarcoated it a bit.

We told him that mommy is sick but everything is going to be OK. And that mommy will have medicine in the fridge that she has to take everyday but he is not to touch it. Maybe I should put it next to the onions instead of the yummy caramel syrup?

He took it very well. Sean asked, "Do you have any questions?" and D said, "Nope! Can we do something fun today?".



Meet my worst nightmare

Needles. My needles. Dammit!!!

And...

the needle injector aka Autoject.

Much bigger than I expected it to be. I guess I was hoping for mini syringes and a mini autoject which would surely mean, mini pain.

I use to (and still do) feel sorry for diabetics. I remember thinking, "I could never inject myself like they do." Surprise, surprise. I know there's an oral med in the works for MS so I can't wait for that to come out.


On to the BILL


Take a look below...

HOLY MOLY! For ONE month of Copaxone my bill comes to a total of $2,610.28. WTF!

And DUE IMMEDIATELY from me is $0.09.

No Problemo!

I can guarantee you that if I didn't have insurance, I would NOT be on this stuff.

Thank you Sean. 143!



I asked the hubs if he thought I could just tape a dime to the bill and mail it back? LOL! He came up with an even better idea.

He said we should tape a dime to a bill to Copaxone for $0.01. HA! HA!

On a serious note, I am really handling this well. I'm ready to start this stuff and get to the point where everyone say's "It's easy". I'm a little worried about the side effects and I'm not sure if I should 'shoot up' in the morning and get it over with, or in the evening so I can sleep through the pain. I'm sure I'll find my way soon enough.

Right now, I'm waiting on a call back from my nurse so we can set up an appointment to teach me how to do all of this. Thank goodness for that, I'd be a wreck if I had to figure it out myself.

Have a good weekend everyone. :)

Purely Entertainment

This first video is Bean when she was one.

An oldie but a goodie.

Some Complaining - I am Human

I’m noticing things now. Things that I do that annoy the hell out of me (and probably everyone else), that are most likely due to the MS. Like starting a sentence and pausing halfway through because I can’t remember the word I wanted to say. If I want to say, “Put your plate on the counter please." I’ll say, “Put your plate on the….. (then in my mind I’m thinking, is it the cabinet? The drawer? The table? The……oh! It’s the counter.)” But there will be a long pause before it comes out. Usually, my son or the hubs will finish it off for me. I feel like an idiot standing there with the ‘DUH…’ look on my face. Trying to figure out a simple word that is there, but it’s floating around my head and I’m not able to quickly get it to ‘fall’ out of my mouth.

And lately when I write, I notice I make a lot more mistakes. I’ll write “of” when I meant to write “if”. Or I'll write a complete sentence that seemed to make perfect sense to me at the time but when I go back to read it, I sound like I'm five. Very irritating. I’m a little OCD’ish when it comes to those kind of things.

Anyway....

I’ve made a decision on a drug. But I’ve been second guessing my decision to take Copaxone* since the day I made it. I think, “I don’t wanna be on this sh!t forever.” But then I remind myself that as of right now, MS is a forever disease. (Dammit!)

I got a call from Shared Solutions (Copaxone) on Friday. Way sooner than I expected. The lady on the line confirmed my information and asked me if I could remember the day I was diagnosed. “That’s an easy one. Yesterday.” I said. She told me that my medication and autoject* would be arriving in the next 5 business days. (Dammit!) She also said, “a nurse will be calling you soon. If she calls before the meds arrive, take down her number and call her when you receive everything. She’ll then schedule a time to come to your home and teach you how to use your autoject and medication.” FAN...TASTIC!

Friday evening, ‘Bonnie The Nurse’ called me. She gave me her number and told me to give her a call when everything came in.

This is all happening so fast.


*Copaxone: Disease modifying drug (supposably slows progression) that comes in prefilled, ready-to-use syringes and is delivered just below the skin with a small needle.

*Autoject: A re-usable automatic injection device.